Networking for Introverts: How to Find Your People (Without Losing Your Mind)
- Chelsea Tornetto
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
When I signed up for my first writing retreat at the Highlights Foundation (now Boyds Mill), I was terrified. As a 7th-grade teacher, I could handle a room full of rowdy thirteen-year-olds, but a room full of adult strangers? That felt like a different level of brave.
If the word "networking" makes you want to hide under your desk, you aren't alone. Most writers are introverts by nature—we literally create worlds in our heads so we don't have to talk to people! But building a career in kid-lit requires making connections.
The good news? You don't have to turn into an extrovert to succeed. You just need a game plan. Here is how I survived (and actually enjoyed!) my first major industry events.
1. Know Your Limits (and Honor Them)
Networking starts long before you arrive at the venue. It starts with your calendar. If you know that social interaction drains your battery, don't schedule a three-day writing conference the weekend after your best friend’s wedding.
Pro-tip: Start small. Look for one-day local workshops or virtual events before committing to a week-long retreat. (SCBWI has lots of options!) If you’re already feeling "peopled out" before you arrive, you won’t have the energy to make the connections that matter.
2. Shift Your Mindset: You Aren't "Networking," You're "Finding Your People"
The word "networking" feels corporate and cold. It sounds like swapping business cards and trying to impress someone important. Instead, think of it as finding your tribe.
Remember: you are in a room full of people who also stay up late worrying about character arcs and picture book word counts. They are your "brand" of weird! Don’t worry about being impressive; just focus on being interested.
3. Build in Breaks
You do not have to attend every single optional mixer or late-night happy hour to be "successful." In fact, if pushing yourself to do it all leads to a total meltdown by Saturday morning, it’s not worth it.
Take a walk: Step outside between sessions to breathe fresh air.
Skip the loud stuff: If the thought of a crowded cocktail hour makes you sweat, stay in your room and read.
Quality over quantity: One deep, meaningful conversation over coffee is worth more than twenty "hellos" in a noisy ballroom.
4. Play the "Host" (Even if You’re a Guest)
Here is a secret: at least 75% of the people at any writing event feel just as awkward as you do. When I feel my anxiety rising, I try to find someone who looks even more nervous than I am.
Go out of your way to make them feel comfortable. Ask them what they’re writing or how they’re enjoying the keynote. By focusing on making someone else feel welcome, you’ll find that your own social anxiety miraculously starts to fade.
5. Ditch the "Professional Mask"
You don’t need to have the "right" things to say, and you don't need to pretend you have it all figured out. In the writing world, vulnerability is a superpower.
Share your story. Be honest about your struggles with the query trenches or your fear of the "dreaded middle" of a story. When you open up and show your true self, you give others permission to do the same. That’s how real, lasting friendships—and professional partnerships—are born.
You’ve Got This!
Networking for introverts isn't about being the loudest person in the room or having the flashiest elevator pitch; it’s about being the most authentic version of yourself. As an introvert, your superpower isn't "working the room"—it’s your ability to listen intently and connect deeply with one person at a time. Those are the connections that actually turn into lifelong critique partners and career-changing referrals.
Remember, every "big name" author you admire was once a nervous writer standing in the hallway, wondering if they belonged there, too. We all start in the same place: with a story we care about and a hope that someone else will care about it, too. By showing up—even with shaky hands—you are telling the universe that your dream is worth the temporary discomfort.
So, pack your favorite notebook, build in those quiet moments for yourself, and take that first step. You don’t have to be the life of the party to be the hero of your own writing journey. You just have to be you.
Ready to give networking for introverts a try? Our annual Picture Book Creator Conference might be the perfect event for you!
It's a virtual, one day event held in January of each year, that provides top-notch instruction from industry pros and allows you to network with agents, editors, and authors...all from the comfort of your own home! Join our email list so you don't miss it!
