Trusting Your Gut: What To Do With All That Feedback

One of the most common dilemmas new authors face, is what to do with feedback once they receive it.  

• What do you do when critique partners give you conflicting feedback?  

• What advice do you listen to...and what advice do you ignore?

• How do you know when your story is ready?  Or when you should stop editing?  

The genuine answer is:  Trust your gut! It’s your story! You’re the author! It’s up to you!

But let's be real. That’s not very helpful when you’re just starting out, and you have no idea what your gut is saying - or whether you can trust it!

In that sense, being a new writer is a lot like being a new parent!

Trusting Your Gut As A Parent

When you first become a parent, you have no idea what you’re doing - you’ve never done this before!  And you love your little bundle of joy so much that you really, REALLY want to get this parenting thing right.  

So, you read What To Expect When You’re Expecting from cover to cover, listen to all of your great-aunt Edna’s unsolicited advice, and constantly worry about doing it wrong.  You panic when your child is the only one at daycare who hasn’t rolled over yet, and you keep the pediatrician on speed dial. 

But gradually, month by month, and year by year, you start to get the hang of things.  

By the time kid number two or three comes along, your copy of What To Expect has been forgotten on the bottom shelf behind a basket of slightly sticky Duplo blocks. You’ve learned to ignore great-aunt Edna. You have your own way of doing things - and you kind of don’t care who thinks it’s “wrong.” You don’t even notice when your youngest is a little late learning to crawl.  (You’re just glad he can’t reach the silverware drawer yet.) And, you only call the doctor for real emergencies. 

Trusting Your Gut As A Writer

Writing is the same way! 

When you write your first manuscript, you have no idea what you’re doing - you’ve never written a book before!  And you love your idea and story so much that you really, REALLY want to get this writing thing right.  

So, you read Writing Picture Books by Ann Whitford Paul from cover to cover and fill it with sticky notes. You get pulled in every direction by random critique partners you find online, and are pretty sure you’re doing it all wrong.  You panic when it seems like everyone but you is getting an agent or a book deal, and you keep your best writing friend on speed dial for when you feel like giving up.  

But, by the time you’ve written your third or fourth manuscript, you’re starting to get the hang of things.  

Your copy of Writing Picture Books is worn and torn and now being used as a coffee coaster.  You’ve learned which critique partners are worth listening to and which ones you need to block on social media.  You understand now that there is no wrong way to write, and you’ve embraced your own unique voice and approach.  You’ve stopped comparing your writing journey to others. You have a new writer friend who is constantly calling you for a pep talk.  

It Just Takes Time

Just like in parenting, trusting your gut and learning to process feedback on your writing with confidence, is a skill you just can’t master overnight.  It isn’t something you can learn by reading just one book.  You have to do it!  Regularly.  Often.  And you have to keep on doing it even when you’re certain you're doing it wrong. 

Eventually, I promise, you'll be a veteran writer, confidently tackling revisions no matter how conflicting the feedback.   It just takes time!

Now, if you’re a new writer who came to this post looking for actual, actionable advice, "it just takes time" might not give you much comfort. 

So, here’s a little list of practical tips from an experienced manuscript “parent:”

Clearly identify the heart of your story before you reach out for feedback. 

By “heart” of your story, I mean the element or elements that MUST be included in the final draft for you to feel successful.  Maybe it’s a specific character who’s been living in your heart since childhood, and you know that if that character changes too much it just won't feel like your story anymore.  Maybe it’s the theme or message that really matters and the details of how the message is conveyed aren't as important.  Take some time BEFORE you seek out feedback to sit with your story and figure out what makes it yours…and what you could change about it without breaking your heart.  

Choose your beta readers, critique partners and editors carefully.  

When you’re just starting out, sometimes you just have to jump into a critique group or a manuscript swap with some strangers and see what happens.  But as you become more experienced, you’ll be able to be a bit more choosey about who you share your stories with.  Experience matters!  Look for someone who has already been where you want to go.  But, no matter how experienced or accomplished someone is, run away if their comments make you feel like a failure.  

Watch for repeat comments.

If one person points something out, it may or may not be true.  But if two or more people point out the same thing…you need to listen.  

Focus on the problems identified, not the suggested solutions.

Often a critique partner or editor will identify a problem spot in a manuscript and suggest a possible solution.  If you don’t like their solution, that’s okay!  But you should still keep an open mind about the problem they identified.  Maybe it really is a problem, and you can find your own way to solve it.  

Notice your emotional reaction. 

If you immediately get excited about a suggestion or find yourself feeling impressed by an astute observation from a beta reader, then you know it’s something you need to address/change.  But if a comment makes you angry or upset, that doesn’t mean you should ignore it! Take a step back and ask yourself, “What is it about this comment that makes me feel so strongly?”  Sometimes that question can lead you to seeing your manuscript from a different perspective. 

Get some distance.

I can't tell you how many times my own editing clients have waited weeks to respond to my edits, eventually saying something like, "At first I was really upset...but after a few weeks I read it again and I realized you might be right." It takes time for our brains and hearts to process criticism, no matter how kindly it's given. Putting a story away for a few weeks and coming back to it with fresh eyes can help you view feedback with much more clarity.

The Bottom Line

Learning how to trust your gut when you're writing or revising takes time and practice. Like anything else in life, your skills and confidence will grow the longer you call yourself a writer.

And someday you'll realize...you got this!